I've lived here for 3 months now. I just had my 90 day review, where they added an extra week of vacation and an increase in my pay. Both things I was excited about, but I think it cemented the idea in my mind that I am here. That this isn't a vacation, but my real life.
I haven't been homesick at all since I've been here. My days are filled, I love where I live, I have great friends, people love me, I love them... so it was odd when after getting extremely good news, I was struck with an intense bout of homesickness.
Part of it stems from the most amazing weekend I had this weekend! The man of my dreams showed up at my door to surprise me for 4 wonderful days spent together. Filled with dreams and laughter. I anticipated the drive back from the airport to be filled with heartache... I mangaed to avoid it. Apparently I couldn't avoid it forever. The heartache hit full force as I lay in bed last night, with the tears landing on my pillow. He was gone. Back home to his life, and it would be another long month before I would get to hold him again.
This was only the beginning. My conversations with friends back home, made me long to be there with them. They feel very much alone in this quest of following Christ, and I want them to know they aren't alone. To know that others feel the way they do. That there are others who believe that Church should be more holistic and organic than it is. However, I'm on the other side of the country. Where the plane tickets aren't cheap, and the gas even less so.
I began to remember so many things. Watching movies with my sister. Playing canaste until late at night with my sister and brother in law. Knowing that you don't have to say anything, and you are still understood. The students that would jump in my arms if I walked through the doors of my church. How I have watched them grow up for 4 years into such amazing people. My mom sitting on the couch crocheting blankets listening to me talk for hours straight. My dad sitting in the chair playing solataire.
I got so homesick, I actually started crocheting myself. Which I haven't done in years, and vowed I'd never do again. I just wanted to be close to them, any way I could.
I even thought that I would do something tonight that would help me feel a little more connected to home. Do something I do when I'm with my sister in Illinois. We really like TGI Fridays and Cracker Barrel a lot. So quite often we would go to one of these places. Only problem, it's a half hour drive to either one of those places. Not sure why that is so upsetting, I'd just go spend money I don't really have, and eat food that is definitely not healthy for me. (I get smothered chicken at Friday's and about every carb you can imagine at cracker barrel). But the thought that all the things I grew accustomed to over the last 24 years of my life are far away, hit me like a ton of bricks.
And so I wait for the days to move forward. I anticipate Christmas, and long vacations where I can be with all of them at once. I guess they were right, you don't really know what you have until it's gone. And absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
4 years ago