I've never wanted to be another face in the crowd. Another person who says the same things, looks the same way, lives out the same goals and aspirations. The white picket fence dream with 2 kids and a dog, was never my dream at all. I always felt that dream was too small for the things I wanted to do, and what I've always wanted to do is change the world.
That may seem naive, young, or idealistic, but those desires have never been lessened or outgrown. The entirety of my life I have surrounded myself by young Christians, who are too new to the faith to be told they can't achieve things, or by old Christians who never really got "comfortable" in their faith, but have always striven to live it out more boldly, and drink in the truth more deeply.
Thus, I have never stopped believing that I will change the world... even if only for one person.
When I was an infant my mom came into my room and wrote me a letter on a piece of Christmas wrapping paper. I have it somewhere stored securely in my things. She didn't tell me about this letter until I was a freshman in college. In the letter she talked about how she just had this feeling I was different, set apart for some sort of purpose. I don't think she really understood all of the implications of that at the time, I don't think she could have, yet she wrote these amazing words that I was going to do something in the service of the kingdom.
As I went to school to study ministry, and then have gone through various ministry positions, and have tried to follow whatever it is God wants for me, I remember the words she wrote 24 years ago, and I wonder if she's right.
It's humbling to think God wants to use me in any way. Small or big, or in between. Even if I just change the world for one person, my life has meaning and purpose, and it is astounding.
I know myself. I know my failures. The things I keep struggling with, and falling back into. I know my pessimism, and my bitterness. I know how often I've gotten my heart broken, and how easily I can hold grudges. I know all of my secrets, that I try to forget, that catch up to me.... despite all of that, God wants to use me for something. He wants to use me for His purposes and His plan, to partner with Him in His redemptive plan to the world, and I will forever be astounded by that.
It is with that knowledge that I boldly walk forward regardless of the turns in the road, or what happens next, to potentially change the world.
3 years ago